December 2011
2 posts
November 2011
4 posts
Movie Titles I had to Translate from Chinese to...
English Title: Title Translated From Chinese to English
Trading Places: I Help You, You Help Me
Vampire In Brooklyn: I suck, I suck, I suck suck suck
Private Parts: New York Bird King
Jackass 3: Determined To Take No Trouble 3
Jackass: Moron Funny Show
Mean Girls: Spice Blows
September 2011
2 posts
1 tag
August 2011
2 posts
I hate that I forgot I was reading this blog because they’re going to look at their Google analytics and be all “DAMN, I really captivated this person from Berkeley! They were all up in my page for an hour!” and like, no, they didn’t captivate me, I just got caught up in skyping with Haley and listening to the Cruel Intentions soundtrack. I FORGOT ABOUT YOUR BLOG....
I had made an appointment weeks ago, high on the smell of 1000 perfumes at the Lancome counter in Macy’s, to go to their national event and have my makeup professionally done. I had never done this (I am not counting the time I was 14 and the 17 year old girl at the Sears makeup counter (Remember when they had a makeup counter!? Remember when they were still kind of a real ~department...
July 2011
0 posts
10 Movies I Can Watch At Any Time, No Matter What...
AKA ‘Movies I Have To Watch If They’re On Cable, No Matter How Much I’ve Missed’ AKA ‘Default Movies’
In no particular order:
1. Jerry Maguire
2. Armageddon
3. When Harry Met Sally
4. Empire Records
5. Reality Bites
6. Mallrats
7. 10 Things I Hate About You
8. Batman
9. Broadcast News
10. A Few Good Men
Honorable Mentions: High Fidelity, The Wedding...
June 2011
4 posts
So I am watching this episode of Roseanne...
…in which they play the ‘gullible isn’t even IN the dictionary!’ gag, which reminded me…
On my birthday one year, somewhere around 10 or 11, my dad said, “Hey, so for your birthday, they added your name to the dictionary! You should go look it up!”
“D-aaaad,” I said, long a, head tilted, eyes rolled. “They did not. Even if they HAD,...
WatchYet Another Thing I Reference As If Everyone Has Seen It As A Sort Of Weird, TV Nerd Litmus Test
(You: This Food/Drink/Weather is too hot!
Me (guaranteed, always): Too hot in the hot tub? Burn yourself? Make it cooler?)
May 2011
4 posts
“Yeah, I might do writing for a career. It’s not, like, real work or...”
– Quinn Morgendorffer
5 episodes of Daria I refer to with no explanation...
1. The Paintball episode, usually an adaptation of the line ‘Those paintball thingies hurt!’
2. ALTERNAPALOOZA, when everything goes kind of wrong for Daria but she has her first ~*REAL CONVERSATION*~ with Trent, so everything’s kind of okay.
3. The one where she babysits and corrupts the really sheltered kids. I pretty much just sing the song.
4. The one where she gets her...
WatchThis clip may have just convinced me to start watching Parks & Rec.
April 2011
2 posts
“I’ve gotta say I’ve never seen devastation like this”
“The severity of the injuries was remarkable to us.”
“It literally obliterated blocks and blocks of the city”
“Never been so scared before”
But it’s in those states you don’t care about, tumblr, so don’t worry. Definitely keep talking about the wedding of...
March 2011
1 post
February 2011
1 post
YOUR FAKE FUCKING GLASSES ARE NOT FASHION, YOU...
I have been wearing glasses for 22 years. I literally do not remember a moment of my life during which I did not own a pair of glasses.
The list of my optical maladies is long and puzzling. I am far sighted. I have been misdiagnosed with brain cancer. This misdiagnosis prompted a visit to a neuro-opthamologist who, after diagnosing the ‘tumor’ as a ‘genetic defect’, said...
3 tags
January 2011
4 posts
December 2010
2 posts
So this was the first Christmas that I haven’t spent at home with my parents and brother in Indiana. I expected to have something deep and meaningful to say about MY ANGST AND LONELINESS, but really, it wasn’t so bad! I got sick on Christmas Eve-Eve, which was basically a license to lay on my couch and intermittently fall asleep watching Roseanne, which was what I was planning on doing...
gifparty:
Spirit Animal 4 EVA
November 2010
12 posts
1 tag
Apparently these came out in JULY!?! →
How is it that I went 4 months without hearing about these? Man, being poor is effecting my snack game in serious ways. SERIOUS.
Damien Rice, The Blower’s Daughter
God, I hope this means that everything promised in... →
October 2010
8 posts
“Free throws are awarded to a team according to some formats involving the number...”
– I’m going to an NBA game tomorrow! I’m really excited! But I’ve never been to an NBA game before, and I played basketball in fifth grade under extreme duress (I cried. I did not want to play and when they made me I got really nervous and stressed and I cried, okay!? It was too much...
Mass Carnage
Ants have descended upon our apartment as if they were the 11th plague Moses just forgot to mention (I mean, to be fair, the ants could have happened during that whole darkness thing and he never would have noticed!) and our kitchen was Egypt. I tried to think of an appropriate historical instance of mass carnage to describe all of the tiny ant corpses covering our microwave— Beaches of...
September 2010
2 posts
A couple of months after my last boyfriend dumped me, I flew home and foolishly (intentionally, purposefully, fully aware of the probable outcome) asked my ex to give me a ride from O’Hare to northern Indiana, where my parents could more easily pick me up. What I thought would and what you think did happen happened. We rejected the first hotel we stopped at— too expensive. It happened...
Even though I (lightly, casually, informally) consider myself a writer, there are a good many things I have trouble writing about. I have trouble keeping a diary in a serious way, in the way that you are supposed to. I remember buying a traditional tiny pink diary complete with tiny lock and tiny key at a gift shop in South Dakota. Inside, each page was dated. I wrote in it sporadically during the...